Last year, I took it upon myself to rank all of the save rooms in Resident Evil (2002). It was a fun little project, so I elected to return to the well with its much more divisive prequel cousin, Resident Evil Zero.

What I was surprised to discover was that despite there being more typewriters available in total (12 as opposed to 10), fewer of them felt quite like ‘true’ safe rooms in the conventional sense of the word. Like many things, it’s perhaps an example of poor old RE0 not being able to get things quite right.

In any event, let’s take a ride on the Ecliptic Express and find out which is the best of the bunch. As I did previously, I’ll mention specifically whether the save room theme plays, but for obvious reasons I won’t be listing which ones have an item box, because… you know…

12. Conference Room

Save Room Music: No

Based on aesthetics, the conference room is a perfectly fine safe room. The typewriter sits inoffensively in the corner of the room, overlooking the lecture hall to the side. The issue is that it is the most redundant save room in Resident Evil Zero, and potentially the entire franchise as a whole.

As serviceable as it might seem, the entrance hall next door houses a typewriter of its own, and is a location you will be frequenting in your travels through the Umbrella Executive Training School. There is nothing ever impeding you from progressing between one area and the next aside from a door that is always unlocked, so why exactly is there a save point here, too?

Theoretically if you’re currently doing the rounds of the northern side of the building, this may be a more practical starting point, but really, we’re arguing semantics by this point. This save room is all style and no substance whatsoever.

11. Storage

Save Room Music: No

Considering a short ways off, there is a proper save room in the lodgings (one of the rare occasions that has the theme and everything), the storage room falls somewhat flat. It’s squashed between the furnace room where you first battle between Queen Leech and the warehouse where you will finish the foe off, and as such, its only purpose is as a last gasp before the final showdown.

Because of this (and perhaps because it is called a storage room), it is generous with its yield of items. There’s plenty of ammunition and a fresh batch of herbs for you to partake of, and more importantly, it saves you the trip from the lodgings if you were to make a fatal mistake.

There’s nothing exceptional about it beyond this, just another in a long list of typewriters inserted specifically for gameplay purposes. To be clear, Resident Evil Zero does this a lot, so get used to being underwhelmed if you’re a save room aficionado.

10. Machine Room

Save Room Music: No

The antithesis to the conference room in many ways, the machine room boasts prime location: positioned on the upper floor of the laboratory complex, it acts as the main base of command for whichever character you sent up with the hookshot (oh, that fucking hookshot…)

On the other hand, it never feels snug or accommodating thanks to its cold, sterile appearance, and if you want to be super duper technical, it’s not even entirely safe. An army of leeches will spawn before your departure, though dying to them would surely take hours. If you somehow croak here, it’s really on you, to be honest.

With that being said, downstairs is where Rebecca will be forced to go one-on-one against a Mimicry Marcus once Billy gets yeeted into the river, so you’ll be grateful to have access to a typewriter if you weren’t fully prepared. It could just use a few houseplants to spruce the place up.

9. Basement 2F

Save Room Music: No

In the sense of Resident Evil Zero’s narrative, the facility basement safe room is rather significant. It’s where Billy saves Rebecca from falling to her death, and also where she learns the full truth of his shady past.

In the sense of Resident Evil Zero’s progression, it is entirely critical, because the basement is fraught with dangers including a mob of eliminator monkeys that can and will fuck your shit up with their constant, infuriating attacks.

In the sense of Resident Evil Zero’s safe room rankings, it’s… just kind of there, really. It’s one of many of its kind set in complete silence, and its most noteworthy feature is an enormous hole in the floor. It’s actually rather lovely to look at; a highlight of Capcom’s gorgeous pre-rendered backgrounds of the era.

Keep in mind, we’re talking about a literal hole as being the best part of the room. So you can appreciate why it ranks all the way down here.

8. Main Hall

Save Room Music: No

Hopefully you’ll enjoy this save room, because you’ll be here for quite some time. Proportionately, the Umbrella Training School section is the most lengthy in all of Resident Evil Zero, effectively acting as a Spencer Mansion facsimile.

Like that famous abode, it boasts a grand entrance hall dotted with doors and an opulent stair case. Needless to say, it looks spectacular, and its size means that you can dump all of your stuff on the floor while you snake your way from place to place.

With that being said, its spacious nature is something of a double edged sword on the safe room front. When thinking back to what makes these RE staples so cherished, part of the appeal is happening upon a little nook that offers temporary sanctuary from the horrors of the outside world.

While the main hall is very pretty and very practical, its typewriter is there more as a matter of necessity than anything else. It’s less a save room than it is merely a room that you can save in, if that makes sense.

As aforementioned, it is also neighboured by the conference room and its additional typewriter. Though the entrance hall is the less egregiously superfluous of the two, it is perhaps the one I would rather remove, were I to redesign the map layout.

7. Panel Room

Save Room Music: No

Welcome to the factory; maintaining the tradition of Resident Evil games ending in some sort of processing facility.

Your first port of call upon egress from the cable car will be to establish a base of operations, and the panel room suits this role quite nicely. Outside, there is ample space to dump your items, and within, there are key recovery items and a map on the wall to gain your bearings.

It is also helpfully located in an area preceding various hazards — a mob of Hunters lurking on one floor, and your first encounter with the Proto Tyrant further down — cutting down on your backtracking should you meet an untimely demise.

With all that being said, it is screaming, screaming I say, for a save room theme to truly make it pop. Absent of this, it’s just another place in a list of places, setting a sombre tone while you continue the search for a soggy Billy Coen.

6. Observation Room

Save Room Music: No

Considering what lies on the other side of that dungeon door, this is actually one of the more disquieting safe rooms. It’s literally a place where Dr. Marcus once monitored the torture of his patients from a safe distance, about as haunted a vibe as they come.

With that being said, I just really, really like that writing desk. It’s not exactly like a raven, but it offers a semblance of peace in the otherwise dismal basement. More importantly than that, of course, is the fact that shortly after you proceed through the observation room, you’ll kick off a rescue mission to prevent Rebecca from plummeting into the yawning abyss.

If you’re a clumsy lout with a poor sense of direction, you’ll appreciate the fact that you can restart the mission right from the beginning point. Plus, I happen to believe that Billy would be really into BDSM, so it’s actually quite appealing when you think of it that way.

5. Church

Save Room Music: Yes

We’ve done it, everyone. We’ve finally arrived at an honest-to-god save room, theme and all — one of only three in all of RE0.

In a vacuum, the private chapel is the quintessential Resident Evil safe room. It’s quiet, contemplative, and ornate. A writing desk sits in the corner, with a handy candelabra burning brightly. I’m somewhat curious as to who lit those candles, considering there isn’t an equivalent denizen to RE1’s Lisa Trevor, but I’m probably overthinking it.

Why is it lumped down in fifth place, then? It comes down to its location, you see. The only time you will ever swing by this way is right before duking it out against one of the franchise’s most maligned bosses, the Infected Bat. And guess what? Once you’ve saved here, you’re effectively trapped until you’ve taken that fucker down.

If anything, all this makes this safe room more of a detriment than a benefit, beggaring belief as to why they would punish you for making the audacious choice of, y’know, saving. If safe rooms could have personalities, this one would be an asshole.

4. Control Room

Save Room Music: No

Call it personal bias if you will (keeping in mind that this list is entirely based on personal bias), but I can’t help but appreciate the vibe of the control room.

It serves as a halfway point in your journey through the water treatment plant, accessible after Rebecca has bested the Proto Tyrant but prior to her locating Billy down on the lower floors.

Its major purpose is to restore the power grid by completing a fairly simple puzzle, and once successful, the room lights up while the various devices hum and whir. There’s something about this lighting state that I find entirely pleasant, akin to the morning rays shining through the workplace window.

Just keep in mind, you are deep underground by now so the light is artificial. …Hey, it’s the thought that counts.

3. Library

Save Room Music: No

What do you get when you take the grand architecture of the church safe room and make it actually functional? The laboratory’s library, aka the reference room, aka the nice-looking place with the dumbwaiter.

Beyond its aesthetics, what makes this room so critical is that whoever you leave behind will be stuck here for quite some time. Worried about the perilous nature of the upper floor? Concerned that your team member upstairs is on death’s door, and might not make it back to the machine room in one piece? Just switch on back to whoever is chilling in the library, and they can save on your behalf, maybe even send up a few healing sprays to keep your spirits high.

Truth be told, I would’ve rather taken the save room theme from that godforsaken chapel (and yes, I’m aware of the irony of that statement), and placed it here. Had that been the case, this may have been a contender for the top spot. As it is, a bronze medal isn’t too bad.

2. Lodgings

Save Room Music: Yes

This is about as much of a mixed bag as you get from a safe room. On the one hand, it is a full-featured treasure trove, offering healing items, ammunition, and of course, that sweet, sweet theme tune. A match made in heaven, especially when you consider the rigours you’d undergone to get to this point.

The tranquility, on the other hand, is more of a mixed bag. There’s a selection of enticing beds, and a picture of a scantily clad lady on the wall to titillate the senses. You’ll probably struggle a bit to get your rocks off, however, considering there is a literal dead body in the room.

That’s right, there is a corpse sprawled top one of the beds, soaking the sheets with blood and totally killing the atmosphere. In case you forgot, this is a video game about zombies, so you have reason to be wary of a cadaver lying right next to you while you pen your memoirs.

As far as design goes, it’s actually a fabulous and creepy touch. But if we’re trying to discern the ultimate state of cosiness, this was never going to come out on top.

1. Cabin

Save Room Music: Yes

The best of Resident Evil Zero happens in its opening minutes while Rebecca explores the Ecliptic Express, and perhaps not coincidentally, the best save room is the humble Room 201.

While not as impactful as the lodgings, this remains the archetypical RE safe room and all that that title entails: a hopeful little hub where you can dull out the agony of the biohazard menace.

There’s a pair of messy bunk beds, a pleasant little lamp, and the promise of a new day. It’s really hard to encapsulate how much all of this means as a whole, but if you’re keen on less abstract benefits, there is the simple fact that this will be your only means of saving progress in the game’s first section.

Only one traveller on the train saw fit to bring a typewriter with them — a rather obtuse item to lug around on an interstate excursion — but considering the fate of the world rests on their eccentricity, we salute them for their service.

Overall, though I can’t shake the feeling that the absence of item boxes does devalue RE0’s save rooms somewhat, I can at least confirm that there are more than a few acceptable places to rest your weary head.

…Unless you’re playing as Billy of course, in which case your punk ass can sleep outside.