And so, EZIYODA’s first year online has come to an end. Since it launched in March, we have only received modest traffic, and yet, the catharsis it would provide me as a creator has made it all worthwhile.
Including this final piece for the year, EZIYODA saw 74 posts covering a wealth of topics from video games to entertainment, and everything in between. Ongoing columns were introduced, including Feline Friday and The All-Time Scariest, while the genesis of Resident Evil week began to take form.
Admittedly, this lack of focus is a double-edged sword, and it’s safe to assume that this website will struggle to find a consistent audience while it seeks a clear identity. So far, it’s got some stuff about cats, especially my own, and a mantra that it will someday prove a home for long form articles from up-and-coming writers.
Yeah, basically what Medium does, except without the other writers.
But for now, I’m pleased with the humble steps we’ve taken. Although I generated the bulk of content, my sister Jana contributed as well, and we made our official convention debut as a website by attending PAX Australia 2022. We even kicked off Golly! A Podcast, with episode 2 in the works when I stop being such a belligerent lush.
Stray claimed top honours as EZIYODA’s game of the year, while Elden Ring was anointed as the worst. I have not played either of these games, which goes a long way to indicate how credible my opinions are on the subject. In actuality, the real worst game of 2022 is Genshin Impact, because fuck that fucking game.
Somewhat more legitimately, Spy x Family was crowned anime of the year. Although I am happy with that decision for now, I am also well aware that within a month, I might rewatch one of the other shows vying for contention, change my mind, and stealth edit the whole thing into oblivion. Part of me wants to give the top spot to Bananya, despite the fact that that last aired over three years ago.
Overall, I’d say that I achieved pretty much everything I set out to do, at this beginning stage. If this website was intended to be a platform for my more obtuse work — the kind laden with swears and gratuitous reference to my pets — then it succeeded in that aspect, at least.
Perhaps there’s no better way to move forward, than by looking back. For the potential bemusement of anyone other than myself, here are the top 10 most viewed EZIYODA articles from 2022!
1. Please and thank you: reflecting on 10 years since the Toronto Raptors landed Kyle Lowry
First posted 12 July 2022
This retrospective on unlikely hero Kyle Lowry’s arrival to the Toronto Raptors, and his subsequent ascension to the most cherished player in franchise history, took the top spot by a landslide.
I’m pretty stoked with that result, considering this piece was the closest I ever came to actual ‘journalism’. It took quite a while to put together, having to sift through decade old news stories in order to establish a clear timeline of events. I’m not convinced it’s entirely accurate, but I still believe it stands shoulder to shoulder with anything anyone else put out on the anniversary.
It happened to be a big hit on Facebook and Reddit, and not coincidentally, the majority of its views come straight from the great white north. It would have performed even better, had the Reddit moderators not gotten uppity about self-promotion. I’m so sorry for trying to contribute to your community, kids.
2. Sweater’s Revenge: the internet is in an uproar over April O’Neil’s tiddies
First posted 21 June 2022
The moment I caught wind of the ‘controversy’ surrounding Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder’s Revenge, I knew that I had to weigh in on it. And lo and behold, this would be the top ranking article in which I did absolutely no crossposting whatsoever.
No Reddit. No Facebook. Not even stupid-ass Tumblr. This one grew legs based solely on the headline itself, and I’m not necessarily surprised by that fact. What I don’t quite understand, however, is how exactly people happened upon it? Searching any combination of the keywords merely led me down a deep, dark path of cartoon pornography, and not a single trace of EZIYODA.
I imagine the only thing that outweighed my disappointment in not being able to find my article, would be for the people who inadvertently did.
3. Triangle Strategy has exposed my inability to make responsible choices
First posted 29 March 2022
I was in no way anticipating this piece to do so well, but it just so happened to be another Reddit success story, albeit without insecure mods cutting it short before its prime.
In any event, this is another piece I’m quite proud of, reflecting on how poorly I’ve been handling the pressure of decision-making in Square Enix’s strategy title. Though the comments on the site itself are barren, it actually spurred a healthy discussion on how other people were dealing with questions of morality.
Funnily enough, airing my own concerns with the wellbeing for the people of Norzelia would prove quite freeing; ever since, I’ve been haphazardly throwing caution to the wind with my convictions, going so far as to select the most abrasive option whenever possible. I may yet regret this when the consequences of my actions come back to confront me.
4. A nation of monsters: assigning Pokemon teams by country
First posted 12 September 2022
My first attempt at clickbait!
The subject matter of Pokemon and their corresponding nationalities is low-hanging fruit, and I was so convinced of its ubiquity, this would become my first boosted post.
The fact that it joins the ranks of the top 10, albeit not based on its own merits, suggests that that endeavour was somewhat successful, but considering that I literally paid for people to read this? I’m pretty underwhelmed by the results.
Facebook would prove the more beneficial platform, while Twitter largely spawned a bevy of likes without people actually clicking the link. So no Elon, you incompetent fuckstick, Twitter is not a leading source of website traffic.
5. I miss the whimsical charm of the Nintendo 3DS
First posted 2 June 2022
Yet another example of how Reddit is something of a necessary evil; this one particularly resonated in the 3DS subreddit.
In essence, it was a bit of an easy win, as I’m sure it echoed exactly what many other enthusiasts of the handheld felt. The more time I spend with the Nintendo Switch, the more convinced I am that it will never come close to the place in my heart that the 3DS held. This led to some interesting talking points, such as how Iwata’s death was the culprit, and/or a deliberate shift away from the business model of the disastrous Wii U.
Whatever the case may be, I’m glad that I was able to share my viewpoint with likeminded 3DS aficionados. Perhaps the Switch’s eventual successor will take some strides back towards that sense of mirth?
6. Who’s the most evil jerk? Ranking the Smash Bros Ultimate villains in order of wickedness
First posted 4 October 2022
As unlikely an entrant as any other, I foresaw this article getting downvoted to high hell on Reddit, so it only did the rounds of various Super Smash Bros Facebook pages.
Inevitably, most people elected to simply reply to the headline without ever perusing the article itself (one of the big risks of posting a headline that can be answered with one word, and in case you were wondering, the general consensus was Sephiroth). Those who gave it a look in were quite generous with their consideration, and one comment in particular stood out.
To paraphrase, it was something to the tune of, “I like how the author seemed to give this some actual thought”. In the vitriolic landscape of online opinion, that little sample of appreciation is sweet nirvana.
7. Shredder’s Revenge vs Turtles in Time: which is the greatest TMNT game of all?
First posted 8 July 2022
Another one that wouldn’t have been my initial suspicion for the top 10, and yet, another one where I’m then left saying, “oh yeah, that makes sense”.
Targeting niche communities on Reddit pays dividends in situations like this, particularly when a fandom’s loyalty is tested in such a serious way as questioning the status quo of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time.
As it turns out, most folks who expressed their opinions remain resolute that Shredder’s Revenge is only worthy of the silver medal, and I ponder whether recency bias influenced my stance at all. To wit, though Konami’s reverential beat-em-up is still king in my heart, you just get more bang for your buck in Tribute Games’ finely tuned reboot.
The latter was also the source of two top 10 articles for the year, so that much is greatly appreciated.
8. 5 of the furriest indie cat games at PAX Aus 2022 we were excited to try meowt
First posted 10 October 2022
If this website is ever to make any traction in the gaming landscape, it behooves me to cover the upcoming titles on the indie scene. For PAX Aus, I did just that, albeit with an EZIYODA twist, by focusing solely on the games that featured cats.
Obviously, this itty bitty site isn’t going to get a lot of eyes on their projects, but Tesco once told me that ‘every little helps’; so the devs were kind enough to scratch my back as eagerly as I scratched theirs.
I’ve always taken exception to the grammar of that slogan, by the way. If I could figure out how to stretch a tangent on the matter out to at least 800 words, I totally would.
9. 20 years later, Resident Evil Remake remains the quintessential zombie experience
First posted 3 March 2022
The very first “journalism” post for this website, surpassed only by the Kyle Lowry piece or, recency bias notwithstanding, my neoteric reflection on Pokemon Scarlet/Violet.
Concerned that I would be flooded under a deluge of similar articles, I actually jumped the gun on celebrating Resident Evil Remake’s 20th anniversary by a number of weeks. It cheapens the impact a little, but you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do when you’re the new kid on the block.
As it would turn out, the fears were unfounded, with most other media outlets failing to acknowledge the momentous occasion entirely. I intend to take advantage of this apathy by recycling these anniversary pieces on a yearly basis.
10. I’ve never played Elden Ring, but I think I hate Elden Ring
First posted 10 March 2022
We close out the top 10 with the greatest underdog story of them all.
Though that distinction might seem unlikely, considering that Elden Ring was one of the biggest releases of 2022, what you have to realise is that this is one of the few articles I posted without doing any additional cross-promotion whatsoever. Like the April O’Neil piece, except without the added benefit of boobies.
I’ve dipped my head into enough wasp nests to know just how vitriolic fandoms get when you question their beloved franchises, and compounding that by deriding a game I never even played?
It reeked of banhammer, so I opted to just quietly release it with minimal fanfare. Somehow, it still climbed its way into the top 10, leading me to wonder how many angry clicks it could have generated, had I taken the plunge and shoved it right in their faces.
To all those who have helped make EZIYODA into what it is, whether you contributed, shared, or even just gave it a single passing glance, I would like to express my utmost gratitude.
Thank you all so much! Ezi, Sami and Lafayette hope you’ll join us for even more mischief in 2023.
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