Once again, we have reached the final act. It’s the conclusion of 2024 at EZIYODA, a year that was a bit strange on many fronts.

Truth be told, the overall numbers dipped somewhat from the electrifying highs set in 2023, and the top performers continue to be entries from previous years: specifically that godforsaken April O’Neil boobs story of 2022, and now, the Genshin Impact hatefest from 2023 — the majority of those clicks I assume having not been made in good faith.

Similarly, the anime of the year was a holdover from 2023 in the generational sensation, Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End. The video game of the year award was conspicuously absent, owing to the simple fact that I didn’t play enough video games in 2024 to really justify a winner. Perhaps I’ll outsource that award in the future, but for the morbidly curious, the top honour would have gone to Unicorn Overlord, with Crow Country nabbing the silver.

Eagle-eyed readers might have also noticed a prevalence of dastardly “article refreshes” coming in hot throughout the year, wherein older posts were updated with new entries and plastered right back on the front page. In actuality, I’d long wanted to make sequels to these posts, but renewing the originals is just more fundamentally sound on the SEO front. In case you were curious, which surely you were not.

Because of this, I can’t be bothered working out how many new articles there actually were in 2024, but I will at least exclude those refreshes when reeling off the top 10 articles. And what could have possibly made the ranking this year, I wonder? It’s high time we found out.

1. Top 5 video games where you can see FEET

First posted 20 February 2024

The top post was fucking clickbait, hooray!!

In what could be considered 2024’s answer to April O’Neil’s boobs, I specifically targeted the lucrative demographic known as foot fetishists, by listing various games where you can see feet. Weirdly enough, it wasn’t getting much interest at first, but it eventually came into its own in the back half.

I would be interested to know how exactly eager Google perverts happened upon this dreadful little article, as my own searches have found it to be completely missing. Instead, I just end up with discussions about FPS games where the player can see their own feet, as if that was somehow more interesting. To each their own, I suppose.

2. Chris? …Stop it! The 30 best villains in Resident Evil

First posted 11 April 2024

I didn’t expect this one to do quite so well, considering how many other websites have already covered this exact same subject. With that being said, I’m really glad that it did, because I mostly wrote it for my own amusement.

There was a period of time where I went through a creative lull in 2024, and simply fell back on various Resident Evil listicles, starting with the best villains, then moving onto the best heroes, the best games, the best rack (Chris Redfield), etc..

Not all of them would gain any traction, but when one considers that they were mostly utility posts intended to give me something to write about, that’s perfectly fine. You can look forward to this article popping back up when I start refreshing it in 2025 and beyond.

3. BAN: The Prologue of GUCHA GUCHA review – nani nani?!

First posted 28 October 2024

I’m just as surprised as you are. It would seem as though this graphic indie horror game hasn’t gotten much in the way of media attention, so more than a few people were left wondering what it’s all about. Having played it, I can firmly respond that I have no earthly idea.

In what would be a recurring trend in 2024, EZIYODA was able to hit a bit of a sweet spot with indie game reviews, with major outlets too busy trying to out-Google one another to ever give these niche titles any consideration. It’s a handy bit of advice for any other aspiring writers out there trying to make a mark, though it’s a double-edged sword, because its lack of reach can then plummet it into the ether once other websites put out reviews.

I must confess, I feel a little guilty that so many folks read my review of BAN: The Prologue of GUCHA GUCHA, because I completely tore it to shreds, anointing it with our very first zero paw rating for video games. At least it’s almost a certainty that the next review will be more positive.

4. The All-Time Scariest: Children of the Corn (2020)

First posted 23 February 2024

Delighted as I am that The All-Time Scariest made the top 10 this year, I am dismayed that it came in the form of Children of the Corn, one of the tedious pieces of shit I have ever had the misfortune of watching.

Here’s another SEO tip for the newbies out there: the article headline for this piece as seen on Google actually reads “How scary is Children of the Corn (2020)? Answered”, which is much less creatively appealing but allows me to capture a few extra clicks from people seeking more of a general idea than what I tend to offer.

The actual answer, of course, is not scary at all, but that’s not uncommon for this beleaguered column. If I prevented at least one person from watching Children of the Corn, I will consider my job to have been a success.

5. Feline Friday: Turbo Granny (Dandadan)

First posted 8 November 2024

For the strangest reason, these Feline Friday posts can prove to be an absolute goldmine for clicks. Even the early entries that were overlooked in 2022 are somehow routinely ranking towards the top for traffic this year, as if I had suddenly become the leading authority on fictional cats.

With that being said, I did have hopes that this one would do particularly well, seeing as it’s a twofer: an article discussing a popular character in one of the year’s hottest anime, with the clickbaity SEO title for the Google overlords of: “Who is the Lucky Cat in Dandadan? Answered”

I don’t take pride in having to resort to such underhanded tactics for my views, but I don’t take much shame in it, either. Especially since once they’re here, they’re stuck having to read my double entendres, in-jokes, and overuse of the rule of three.

6. All 10 safe rooms in Resident Evil Remake, ranked

First posted 28 September 2024

I’m always happy for my endless Resident Evil shilling to bear fruit, but I’m especially pleased in this case, because I just genuinely believe this to be a fun and unique piece of work.

By ranking all 10 of the safe rooms in Resident Evil (2002) — including some rooms that are safe room adjacent — I have taken a look at one of my all-time favourite games from a different lens than usual. I’d love to continue this with other games down the track, though that’ll become quite the nightmare as their scope increases and the definition becomes even more blurred.

I also shared this one on Reddit, a double-edged sword that seemingly went okay in this instance. With that being said, fuck Reddit all my homies hate Reddit.

7. 10 Dead by Daylight Killers We Would Date

First posted 31 October 2024

Note to self: Dead by Daylight articles do well. Write more about Dead by Daylight.

For Halloween, I enlisted the services of the talented Rowan Jones for some fun DbD content, and this particular one really hit the sweet spot. Describing the date-worthy aspects of bloodthirsty killers is just a fun concept to begin with, but I also like to think that there was a certain percentage of sickos out there who legitimately were hoping their personal crush might make an appearance.

Alas, my click-obsessed brain is now beginning to scheme how many spinoffs of this theme could be possible, such as the survivors we’d date, the killers we wouldn’t date, and so on, so forth. That’s what happens when you work in this industry for too long.

8. Scars of Mars review – rock, robot rock

First posted 25 June 2024

It’s still baffling to me that Acquire Corp — co-developers of the fabulous Octopath Series, amongst others — could produce something with as little fanfare as they did with the real-time strategy game, Scars of Mars.

But I would be happy to pick up the crumbs where others had overlooked this humble title, only to discover that it’s actually not particularly good. It almost feels more like a side project intended to keep the team busy while they were waiting for something more lucrative to come along, such as November’s Mario & Luigi: Brothership.

In any event, I feel as though this is probably the strongest review I’ve ever written for EZIYODA, and possibly even across my floundering career. It reads to me like an objective, detailed look at a deeply flawed experience, though of course, I’m biased. Hopefully you’d agree.

9. Feline Friday: Cats in the Club (Lone Digger)

First posted 7 June 2024

Another Feline Friday article makes the cut for 2024’s top 10, and as brazen as the Turbo Granny entry was, I assure you that this one’s reach was for an even stupider reason.

I can’t imagine there’s a lot of people actively searching for opinion pieces on the music video for Caravan Palace’s Lone Digger, but what I can imagine is that a lot of people are reading about it on Wikipedia. That’s exactly where you’ll find the quote from my article… which I added to the Wikipedia page myself.

It’s cheap, but you know what? I did say those things, so technically it’s legitimate. Besides, this makes up for the time I added an EZIYODA quote to an article, only for some dweeb to remove it with the edit note “THE Tony Cocking of THE EZIYODA?”

What a dickweed.

10. 10 Canadian video game characters who are eh+

First posted 1 July 2024

We round things out with yet another listicle, albeit one where I am fairly certain that I was the sole source of all of its many clicks.

An article compiling video game characters from Canada isn’t really riveting stuff on face value alone, but it’s the kind of thing I myself would look up back in the day, only to be disappointed by the results. Yes, technically speaking Trish Stratus is a Canadian video game character by virtue of being in WWE games, but come on, now.

So I wanted to do it justice in my own way. Whether or not I achieved that is a matter of opinion, but mine is that this is the best and most special article ever written, and you should all lavish attention and rare jewels upon me.

As always, a most hearty thank you to everyone who made 2024 at EZIYODA so special. Whether you were a reader, a writer, or an arithmetic-er, your presence is greatly appreciated. I can never be too sure what the next year holds, but even if it’s just more of the same, that’ll be fine by me.

From Ezi, Sami, Faye, and the whole brood, we would like to wish you all the bet for a safe and happy New Year! See you in the future…